Archive for August, 2014


Blue

The intake nurses just called for my pre surgical interview and asked the usual questions.
Nurse: ” How much do you weigh?”
Me: “—“
Nurse: ” Eye color?”
Me: “Blue”
Nurse: “Hair color?”
Me: “Blue.”
Nurse: “No, HAIR color hun, not eye.
Me: “Blue”
Nurse: “Your hair is blue…”
Me: “Yes”
Nurse: “So if I come up there tomorrow morning while you are in recovery you will have blue hair?”
Me: “Yes”
Nurse: “Now THIS I gotta see!”

Apparently I am the main attraction tomorrow. 

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This Is America!

This random story came to mind because a friend just found out she is asthmatic. I am also asthmatic, though I have an asthma attack maybe once every few months, they are triggered by getting sick or being out in really cold weather. Because the attacks were so rare my mom had the nebulizer at her house, we shared one and at this time I couldn’t get to it. 

Anyway this it what happened. I was sick, everyone was sick where I was living at the time. We all got the flu, I know this because I tested positive for influenza strain B at the hospital and pneumonia. I couldn’t breathe when I was laying down so I spent two days sitting up in my bed. My best friend and at that time roommate came in and mentioned that I looked blue. When I turned on the lights i realized she was right, my nails were also blue. At this point I realized I was in trouble and should get to a hospital. 

Me being the genius that I am thought driving myself there in the snow would be a great idea. I had to park across the street in a big parking lot in the freezing wind. Normally that would just be annoying but having asthma and being sick added with asthma attacks brought on by cold and  exercise was a bad combo. 

I got to the waiting room and managed to wheeze out “I can’t breathe” and wheeze for maybe another 30 seconds before I stopped breathing all together. I keeled over and the staff came out to intubate me. I thought I would die. In the middle of this clusterfuck a woman comes to the desk and says “I have been waiting for four hours. My foot hurts. I was here first. First come fist serve this is America!” The look on the doctors face was priceless. If I could breathe and wasn’t panicking about suffocating I would have said something about it, Sometimes I just can’t process the amount of stupid there is out there. Why yes ma’am you are right! Let me go sit in the waiting room and see how long I can go without breathing!