My mom bought herself one of those phones that talks and reads out the caller ID to you. It is the worst phone I have ever seen, a long distance call with tin cans and string would be easier to decipher. Even if the word or place is something you would expect to see on a caller ID the phone still cant figure it out. The most common word that pops up is “unavailable” that shouldn’t be too hard right? The phone takes it upon itself to say “oon av lav a blehlel”  it only gets worse from there. To make it extra fun the volume on the talking ID is all the way up and there are five of these phones placed around the house. There is even one of these evil devices hiding behind a giant basil plant, to answer you would have to scale a table and a mountain of foliage.

Today the pharmacy has been calling to tell my mom her prescription is ready so all day the phone has been shouting “VIL WHEAT EAST DIZLE!” That apparently is how “Wallgreens refill” is pronounced if you are a phone. Every time they call I think Wil Wheaton is calling for just a second, then the phone adds on that last “east dizle”. I keep trying to persuade her to shut this function off but it falls on deaf ears (probably deaf because of all the gibberish the phone screams day and night). I cannot imagine someone producing this phone, trying it out and after hearing it say “yeah that sounds good, call marketing!” I want to meet whoever made this thing and make him have to listen to his phone read him a copy of War and Peace, he should go mad well before the end. Never let someone you care about buy a talking caller ID.

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